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Hello there,
If you are visiting for the first time or wondering why nothing new has been posted in a while, it is because I have updated and consolidated to a new website. Check it out: somethingRed Endeavors

Thanks!
-Red

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Favorite 10 from 2010

Got this idea from the Selby and thought I’d tag along with it…

These are my favorite 10 photos from 2010.  Not the 10 that I think are my best or my strongest from 2010, but my personal favorites.  And in no order whatsoever.

The Wasps were Friendly

Patrick and I went on an adventure the other day.

We found some very tall bamboo.

And of course…

We played on the hay bails

And there’s this mailbox wall at work that I’m in love with… so naturally I photographed it.

All content is ©somethingRed 2010

I don’t know how to begin this

I can’t even think of where to start…

I had a long explanation of why I’m posting this but really, it’s just to help you understand. And for some of you out there, you do understand.

This is right after. Gasping, choking, confused, denial, sinking, sulking, sleeping, trying, racing. Alone, abandoned. Weak, exhausted, disgusted, confused. Hiding, naked, cold, hot, confused.

This is the very next morning. First light, first consciousness. Alone, stripped. Disgusted, overwhelmed. Confused, angry? smell, Nausea. Sad, spinning. Still.

Sit up. Smell. Feel. Feel nothing.

Walking to the door. Robotic. Feel, nope. Strip. Feel, nope.

This is the shower. Water, on. Hot, on. Flood. Memories. Tears, no. face. touch. hand. hips. pain. Flinch. Heartbeat. Numb. Water, cold. Shiver, smell, gone. Breathe.

I hear a lot of people talk about “the shower the next morning.” I hear people say it’s an attempt to wash yourself clean. And it is, kind of. It’s different for everyone. I can only truly speak for myself.
Upon first waking up I wanted to vomit at his smell on me, that was my initial motive for the shower. But then half way to the bathroom I shut off and went into auto-pilot mode. Everything was kind of an out-of-body experience after that.
The reason the shower was so intense is because it was the first time I really fully experienced it again. While I was being assaulted, I was in survival mode. When I got in the shower, the memories ambushed me. I experienced everything again as though the memories were playing on a film reel in my mind and I was unable to stop it. They rushed over my brain and senses, even my body, as though I could still feel him on me. Then I stood in the shower longer with the hope that everything from the night before would wash away with the water and take my emotions and memories with it.
And that’s just the first shower. For several weeks after the assault memories would ambush me in the shower. Occasionally they will even now, years later. And sometimes, to be honest, if I’ve felt significantly uncomfortable around men one day, I’ll take a shower to try to wash it off mentally. Those are conscious efforts.

This goes with the morning after. The minds eye, if you will.

But somewhere in the auto-pilot numbness, the memories, the smell, skin crawling, and the dry tears, this is how i felt, but where I wanted to be. This is the naked painful reality in the hope of peace I wanted so bad.

“Do not pass”

Alone

Seen

*All content ©2010 somethingRed*

What God’s Doing…

Toni

YAY!

ToniLawrimore4

ToniLawrimore2

love the movement in this one

ToniLawrimore5

ToniLawrimore3

This is Toby’s favorite, and one of mine.

ToniLawrimore1

Jay

He was rubbing his face, why does it look so lonely?
Jay1

Of every shutter opened this semester this is my favorite. There is so much to be said about getting up off the floor in a dark abstract room toward a bright light. This shot was an accident, but when I look at it I get a feeling it wasn’t an accident for someone else.
Jay2

Jay3

One of Toby’s favorites.

Jay4

Jay5